Umm wow, when did I get to the stage of life where I am having these things? I will have to say though it was kind of fun! I mean this is preschool we are talking about so no one is having any panic attacks over the fact that B sometimes gets the letters ‘K’ and ‘X’ confused. My favorite thing to talk about is my kid and usually that is annoying to other people, but it was actually the purpose of this meeting!
Nothing B’s teacher said about him shocked me, he still spends a lot of his time at home so I mostly observe all the same things that they do at school, but it was definitely interesting to hear things from another perspective. It’s also interesting to hear what he’s like when I’m not around. Probably the least shocking thing she said was how impressed they all are with his vocabulary. The kid has a strange strange affinity for language and picks up absolutely everything. Even when he’s melting down, he has the presence of mind to use big words. Last night he was so tired he couldn’t function but still sent G on a wild goose hunt for a toy by screaming, “Nooooo, waaaaaa, I want another vehicle! I want a vehicle other than my locomotives and I don’t want to pick a specific one! I want Daddy to come up with ideas! Waaa!”
Anyways, the most surprising thing for me was realizing that B did in fact get some traits from me. Again, nothing I hadn’t noticed on my own but something about having these traits described by another person made it sink in for me. I generally walk around thinking that B is just G in a smaller body with a smaller appetite, but I’m digesting now that there are indeed some ways in which he’s like his Mama.
He’s a really sensitive kid who doesn’t like change, or departure from routine. He notices every.single.thing and he must understand it. He likes knowing what’s coming next, and he doesn’t like to dive head first into things he doesn’t fully comprehend. That is the opposite of G and describes me perfectly. Now I have this weird internal conflict going on because I think of B as the most perfect human that ever was and I love those things about him. He is so thoughtful, observant, and I love his obsession with understanding everything. I think it shows his thirst for knowledge and I love that he gets things that seem to go completely unnoticed by others. But when I think of those traits in myself? I wish I could change them. I wish I was more easygoing and laid back and didn’t need to be such a control freak. I wish I could take change in stride instead of obsessing over every detail of it and needing to plan obsessively.
I wonder if I should be harder on him or easier on myself? Or probably neither, these things are neither a good nor a bad way to be, they’re just a way to be.