Your burning question (maybe)

While I’ve been amazed at the 100% lack of comments about how sad it is we are having another boy and will we try for a girl, I’ve been simultaneously surprised with the number of questions about our future sleeping arrangement. Friends and family seem either really concerned, fascinated/horrified in a watching-a-train-wreck sort of way, or maybe just curious about how this will all play out.

So in case anyone else is wondering what our sleeping plans are once #2 gets here (Bueller?) here they are! Overall I plan on changing nothing with B unless he seems to need/want a change. He used to sleep between me and a bed rail on the side of the bed but when we night-weaned I switched him to the middle to potentially make room for his brother.

The old arrangement. Picture this on the other side of my face and you have the new arrangement.

The old arrangement. Picture this on the other side of my face and you have the new arrangement.

As for why we aren’t changing things around, in short, I don’t think B is ready to make the switch to his own bed so I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to do so just because there is a baby on the way. I already night-weaned him for that reason, which made me feel guilty enough but seemed necessary for sanity, so that’s the balance I’m striking there I guess. (One can argue he needed company at night all along and that’s just who he is or one can argue we created the need by bringing him into our bed for our own convenience. Regardless of how it got there, it is most definitely a need now and he doesn’t know the difference.)

We never (intentionally) slept with B as a newborn and it still terrifies me so I also don’t plan on sleeping with this one in the bed at first. Instead I’m getting a Fisher Price Rock ‘n’ Play, which I’ve read rave reviews about, and having #2 sleep there next to our bed. (Since I make babies that don’t follow any norms or rules he will probably hate this contraption but this plan makes me feel good so I’m going with it for now.)

Currently this contraption is in our exercise room so this baby can sleep for hours while I work out but I'm happy to put it next to the bed if that's what works.

Currently this contraption is in our exercise room so this baby can sleep for hours while I work out (hahahaha) but I’m happy to put it next to the bed if that’s what works.

And from there, we will just see how it goes. If this next one sleeps as poorly as his brother, which seems statistically unlikely but possible, then he will undoubtedly end up in our bed too- on the outside in between me and the bed rail.

Artist's rendering. Not sure why the baby and I don't have feet.

Artist’s rendering. Not sure why the baby and I don’t have feet.

If he sleeps like an angel then he can stay in the Rock ‘n’ Play as long as that works and then switch to a crib or a Pack ‘n’ Play or something more suitable where he can sleep independently through the night foreeeeever. If he falls somewhere in between those two extremes, as I expect he will, then we will just see what works.

One of my fav baby B pics just because. Can't wait to see all these outfits again!

One of my fav baby B pics just because. Can’t wait to see all these outfits again!

If we wind up with two kids in our bed because that’s what works best for everyone, then that’s fine. I know it won’t last forever. If B ends up sleeping with us until he’s 4 and his little brother goes to a crib at 4 months, that’s fine too. For B at least, I think we did/are doing the best thing for him and us in the end so I hope we can figure out what works for this one too. Pretty sure until we figure something out it will be fairly horrific and fun to read about if you’re not involved so at least there is that!

16 Responses to Your burning question (maybe)

  1. We Had The Cosleeper And Loved It…She Didnt Actually Sleep In It But I Kept Our Supplies In It While She Stayed Latched To My Breast All Night Yikes I Just Talked Myself Out Of A Second Baby. Lol.

  2. I think we’ve had Hunter sleep in our bed maybe 5 times. Everytime we tried it my husband and I didn’t sleep at all. We have a queen and there just wasn’t room and my son likes to sleep sprawled out. Fortunately he’s been a pretty good sleeper and seems to prefer his own space like his mother.

    • I used to HATE anyone touching me when I slept. It is amazing what I was able to get used to. Or I guess amazing what extreme sleep deprivation allowed me to get over. You’re lucky Hunter isn’t a cuddler/smotherer!

  3. Now here is MY question that I’ve been dying to know. With B in your bed all the time, how did you make #2!!!???

    • The Honest Toddler suggests preventing Infant Sibling Disease by always being awake when your parents are, spending naps and nighttime in the big bed, and reminding your parents how much work you are. B is fairly vigilant about all of these things but has been known to let his guard down.

  4. I do love where people’s minds go. I am surprised too that you haven’t gotten more of the ‘girl vs. boy’ question, but I can see their curiousity about the sleeping situation as North Americans are led to believe that any kind of co-sleeping is extremely dangerous and will lead to serious issues whether it be physical or emotion! (as much as I’d like that sentence to be light hearted I do know it is actually true!). You know you have done the best for B and true, if baby #2 ends in his own bed sooner, maybe B will want to follow and get in there sooner, but at the end of the day at least you get to get snuggles!

    • You are so right! My other favorite question about sharing a bed is, “Is that… healthy?” I’m guessing people mean emotionally based on the way they say it.

  5. Good for you. Don’t bow to the pressure. As former co-sleepers in a queen, we had to kick our two-year-old out somehow due to lack of space. So, we took the side of his crib off and bought a small bedrail to take its place. Then, we pushed his new “big boy bed” right up against our bed. Now we have our space back and he still sleeps next to us, but not on top of us. If he wimpers in the middle of the night, one of us just reaches our hand over his little bed rail and pats him on the back.
    This has been working pretty well for us, so I don’t plan on changing it until he asks for a new arrangement. If we have another baby, I will seriously just do the same thing on the other side of the bed.

    • That is a genius solution. I thought about adding a mattress next to ours for B but I was afraid he would climb in the bed and smother the baby so I figure better to sandwich him in the middle for now. I will have to keep this in mind if (when?) #2 decides to join us in bed as well and we are out of room.

  6. I guess we are not “former” co-sleepers, just former “bedsharers.” Anyway, the point is there are all kinds of arrangements that will work without wreaking havoc on everyone’s sleep.

  7. No matter what you plan, it will all get turned upside down when baby brother comes, so do whatever you want!!! It’s quite freeing actually :)

    • Yes! And this was the greatest lesson with #1. We planned for him to sleep flat on his back all alone, like the doctors preach, move to his crib at 6 weeks, and stay there. Funny that it will be just as much of a shock if that ends up working with #2 as now I fully expect every baby to behave like B. You are right though, I am incredibly not stressed about a situation that will probably suck because I’ve accepted it’s 99% out of my control.

  8. Great attitude! Campbell slept with us from day 1 but transitioned into her crib around 2-3 months I think. She had a VERY scary (think blue) choking incident within 20 hours of her birth that freaked me out so much that I couldn’t stand to sleep away from her for several weeks! I say that your kids will let you know what you need, and you’re going to listen to them because that’s the kind of mom you are.

  9. The Rock and Play is whay, I believe, made Zeke an awesome sleeper as a baby. In his old age, of 18 months, he has become about as needy as his sister so pretty much every night we have some combination of all four of us in bed, me and Rory in her bed, Rob and Zeke in her bed or some other permutation of that. Add to that that we got a rapidly growing labradoodle puppy last summer who also “co-sleeps” amd we are grateful for a king bed.

    I firmly believe we should all feel safe and comforted when we sleep, though. i don’t like to sleep alone why should they?

    But, seriously, the Rock and Play is the best baby purchase ever.