B has always been an avid nurser. Surprise, surprise, he was and is nothing like books describe in this department either. Lately, though, we’ve made some tentative strides and have reduced the number and length of a few feedings. How and why is probably best for another post, assuming it continues. It came from both B (yes, really) and seized on it and pushed it. Let’s not get too excited here though, we are not talking about drastic changes. And because of that fact, I didn’t think I’d feel it in any way yet I am…
I know your body is supposed to go through all sorts of things when you wean, but we still nurse 3-4 times a day and 1-10 times at night so it’s sort of terrifying that I am feeling even this change. B can’t live off breast milk forever, so any progress is a good thing in my mind, I just thought I would feel better physically as he moved away from nursing and not worse/weird. We are nowhere close to fully weaning, so someone help me then, but here are the ways it’s affecting me now.
Sleep- One would think I’d be sleeping better. Nope! I wake up even if B doesn’t nurse and now I am just up. I can’t fall back to sleep as quickly as I could with the magic milk making hormones. Apparently they weren’t lying and nursing helps both baby and mom fall asleep.
Sadness- The other night I laid in bed with B asleep on one side of me and G on the other. I was wide awake, see above, and unbelievably sad so I just sobbed. What about? About the fact that my baby is growing up and it’s all happening so fast. I really am sad about this, every mom is, but it seemed extreme to actually break into a full body sob about the best years of my life being behind me because my baby is almost two, so I’m guessing it was hormonal. There have been a few other episodes.
Hunger- I have been starving since the day B was born. Like an absolutely insatiable hunger I’ve never known. Pregnancy was nothing like that and in fact it hurt to eat a lot of the time since my stomach was smushed to the size of a garbanzo bean, but since then I have been a teenage boy. Also I’ve steadily been 3-5 lbs under what I weighed when I got pregnant and no amount of cake, candy, non-dairy ice cream, cookies, or chocolate nut butters straight from the jar could make a dent in that. Now though? I’m never hungry and I’ve cruised right through that threshold.
Will it just keep going like this as we sloooooowly move towards weaning? Or will I one day be an up all night, inconsolable, 50 lbs heavier mess? Oooor secret option 3, is this all giving me false hope and we will be back to nursing constantly within the week?