*This is super long, sorry. Lots of thoughts and feelings.
**I’m engaging in tons of stereotyping here, but isn’t that what you do when you are expressing opinions on the gender of a tiny person about whom you know nothing else? I know it’s silly to think that dictates anything about their personality or where they will fit in our family etc etc.
***I know you are supposed to say sex for the anatomical/biological distinction and the word gender refers more to a person’s identity, but I didn’t want to get the wrong kind of Google hits.
First of all I just want to say a huge thank you to the universe! So far every single person I’ve told about our 2nd boy has been nothing but thrilled. I also want to apologize for totally underestimating the universe because surprisingly not a single person has said “Oh, were you hoping for a girl?” or “That’s too bad, will you try for a girl next?” or anything to that effect. I really thought I would start getting that immediately.
Destined to be surrounded by guys.
So now to answer the question. Was I hoping for a girl? Yes. But I was also hoping for a boy. It was weird and so different than last time. With B I absolutely unequivocally wanted a boy. I knew I wanted two kids and wanted at least one of those to be a son. If I was going to have one of each I would have preferred boy first and obviously if I was going to have two boys then a boy first would be a great way to start. That being said, I would have been over the moon with either partially because it would be a little person and who cares and partially because it was my first so no pressure!
This time around it felt more like I was finding out what I wouldn’t have and not what I would. I wasn’t trying to be a total negative nelly but with this being our last kid it just felt so final. We would either be that one of each family or that boy family and I kind of wanted to be both. There were times when I cried that I might never have a daughter, and there were times when I cried that I might never have another son and a pair of brothers. Maybe I was supposed to have boy/girl twins?
I absolutely love having a little boy. Seriously everything about it is perfect. I’m not a girly girl, I don’t get excited about kid’s fashion, I love building stuff and engineering little cities and all that “boy” stuff. (It should be noted I did all those things as a kid and was a girl back then too so again I realize this is a ridiculous statement.) Of course the next one could be different but I really do love the mama’s boy thing, and boy do I have one.
Can’t fall asleep unless 90% of his body is touching mine.
But then there is the daughter thing. As much as I don’t long for a little girl I think it would be great to have that adult mother-daughter relationship that I have with my mom. Boys get married and leave you but girls stick around for life and it is strange to think I’ll never have that. I will never plan a wedding (15% disappointed 85% thank god), or be invited to take care of a newborn grandchild, shop for a prom dress, or get a phone call about a bad date. And I will never have to buy tampons for anyone but myself.
But then there is the brother thing. My brother and I are 6 years apart and obviously different genders. We are as close as we could possibly be given that but there has always seemed to be something special about same sex siblings close in age, and I am jealous of people who have that. (I know girls and boys can be best friends too, just keeping up with the over-generalizing stereotypes here.) It makes me tear up thinking that my little guys will grow up with a built in best friend/occasional enemy for life. What an amazing thing to have. (Plus bunk beds, that will be a really amazing thing to have.) I know nothing about this tiny little person yet other than he has a Y chromosome, but wow how lucky he is to get to have B as a brother. There is no better best friend. I suspect once we meet #2 we will realize just how lucky B is to have him too.
Kicked the baby out of the swing so he could sit in it. He’s totally ready to be a big brother.
Anyways, it’s fair to say I had mixed emotions going into this thing, so how do I feel now? Great. I cried when I found out we are having another boy and to this day I can’t really say what I felt at the time. Just feelings, lots of feelings. Joy, disappointment, relief at the finality, excitement, etc. The night I found out from my doctor I ran out to the grocery store to get a big “It’s a boy!” balloon to show to G when he got home. While checking out I saw an adorable little girl all dressed in pink and clutching a doll- every bit the stereotype. Yeah, I choked up for a little bit as there in front of me was something I’d never have. But then I looked back in my cart to my perfect little boy holding the boy balloon (and a ghost balloon for no reason other than he wanted it) and that was it. We are going to be the boy family and it’s going to be awesome.
*I just have to convince my boys that they want to stay friends with me as adults and I do have a plan. More on that later.